What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 08:14
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
We all went to grammer schools
Do you believe that Jesus was God on Earth?
My life is so biszare .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
So, i spoilt her more .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Have husbands and wives ever had a threesome with someone in real life? How did it happen?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Why are white women not interested in dating Asian men? Are they not attractive to you at all?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
9 Things Women’s Health Doctors Would Never Do - HuffPost
As i do to all so called friends.?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Why do I want to suck cock, after smoking methamphetamine?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
What a list actors/ actresses are notorious for being jerks in real life?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She loved him until the end.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
What is the sum of X+XX+XXX+XXXX?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Especially a lifetime of it.
He knew the spot.
She wouldn,t have been !
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
What is world history that not many people know about?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
If women aren't shallow, why do most tall, good-looking men have girlfriends?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
We were not on the streets..
He resisted the act ,that day.
How old is planet Earth? Is it 4.5 billion years old or 6,000 years old?
It was going to be , some day.
Why did i forgive my father ?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She found it foreign!.
My family never makes their pension either.
Put me off passion for life!!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Who then, do I blame.?
But, we were locked up after school.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I was very sick at this time too.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I think the readers, may guess!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
When she asked me how she looked .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I don,t even have a pension.
I was 9 years of age.
And i lived it daily.
I have no regrets .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Ive learnt so much.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Would this be the day?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
What did i know ?
I write beautiful poetry .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I was seconnd youngest,
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But ive been too sick for many years..
This is soul school!.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I said to her
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I will be 64.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But it wasn’t much.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
One cannot live in the past .
I could never make a relationship work though!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She married twice! .
So whats the point in blame.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I couldn’t, believe it.
All the time i was locked up.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I was scared of men, in general
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I waited trembling.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Comes on , in middle age.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She was in good health!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Im still living with it.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.